In this guest post by Feedoh, the dog who prides (like us) on her poetess of a human, Mahima, we come to terms with what the dog knows…
It’s almost a new year, but some things aren’t really going to change:
What the dog knows
1. I’m a pro level manipulator when it comes to begging for treats. From *puppy eyes* to incessant barking, to nudging people to the hiding place, I know all the tricks.
2. I feign sleep when lying down on family member’s laps, or legs, or arms – really, I don’t care as long as it keeps them uncomfortable in a position.
3. I take my guarding duties seriously and would bark at the dhobi, the milk guy, the neighbour, anyone really, no matter how many times I’ve seen them around. You step into my house, and I bark your ears off. Deal.
4. I’m my own master when it comes to daily walks. If I don’t wanna walk more than a hundred metres, my wish. Similarly, I’ll walk a marathon distance if I’m in a mood to disrupt my family’s tight schedules in the morning. Like I said, my wish. You, follow me.
See also: Animal intelligence and Einstein’s dog
5. My street cred is still pretty high. After observing how much my family loves all the strays, and vice-versa, I know very well know they won’t ever harm my family, or even me. So I walk around like a boss, barking at anyone I wish on the streets. I always have homies there to back me up. Pet dogs on the other hand…ah, I don’t like the snotty kinds, sorry. I’m snotty enough.
6. Ever since I could form my own thoughts, I knew for a fact that I loved the terrace. And so I learned all the key words: kapde, upar, chatth, uthhe, sukhana, terrace, exercise, dhoop etc. Really anything that could even be remotely connected to going to the terrace, in any language (side note: I’m multilingual. I pride myself on knowing 15 words each in Punjabi, English and Hindi), and so I start barking till someone is forced to take me there. So I can play fetch for five seconds, return home and start barking again to be taken back to the terrace. It’s a vicious cycle. I love it.
7. I like my space. Strange humans who meet me for the first time and think they can randomly hold me in their arms, would be barked at, or even bitten as the last resort. My motto: you can see, but you can’t touch.
8. I take the best selfies.
9. My human mom, is like, a better mom than your mom.
10. You wish you were this adorable.
Over to you, what have you learned this year?